Salespeople: roast my B2B cold email copy

Question

Copy below for #watchdog. Let me know what you think, I'm going to send personalized messages like this one to various community owners today Goal is to get customers through a funnel like this: - Email/direct message - Set up demo - Give demo, answer questions - Further discussion as necessary - Send payment link and see if they buy I imagine most people won't just buy immediately and I figure closing after a personalized demo is easier so that's why I set up the email with a demo first I'm tracking each lead and their status in a spreadsheet and I'll follow up after a few days if I don't see any movement EDIT: using this format now -- https://wip.co/posts/salespeople-roast-my-b2b-cold-email-copy-3mbpr2#comment_30540 Old format that I think is too salesy: “Hey there , I’ve been following on X and there's some incredible in there - congrats on growing the community to over members! I spotted crypto spam in your community that seems to have slid under your radar: I have an automated solution for this. Are you interested in seeing how it works? If so, click here to book any time that works for you (free) and I'll give you a demo: https://cal.com/ben-makes-stuff/15min Thank you, Benjamin Katz Founder, https://watchdog.chat https://cal.com/ben-makes-stuff/15min”

Nathan Wailes · Accepted Answer

I've done cold emailing and door-to-door sales in the past, personally my inclination is to have as short an email as possible so it doesn't look automated and trigger people's "this is spam, delete immediately" reflex. Instead I like to link to more information. I also try to keep the tone informal so it doesn't seem like it's coming from a B2B salesperson getting paid to find customers for a product he doesn't actually believe is useful.

Of course the best way to do it is to A/B test, but this is what I would be inclined to start with:

Hi <NAME-OF-CONTACT>,

I saw this spam in your community: <DIRECT-LINK-TO-SPAM-POST>

I built an AI bot to deal with this kind of thing, I'm asking $30/mo. I'd be happy to show you how it works: cal.com/ben-makes-stuff/15min

Thank you,

Benjamin Katz
Founder, watchdog.chat
cal.com/ben-makes-stuff/15min

Diogo Matos · Answer

I've done some cold email in the past. One thing that worked was pointing out the problems in 3 bullet points so amplify the issue in their head and remind them why it's important. Then explain how your tool helps in fixing that

Ben Katz · Answer

I like the idea of keeping it short and including an upfront price, but I don't want to promise $29/mo and then ask them for a lot more.

I say that because I'm going to qualify people in the demo meeting and figure out how much they can pay, then design a custom plan around them in many cases.

I will play around with this type of wording though, thanks!

Ben Katz · Answer

Good idea - I have a few bulletpoints in mind, but also trying to be cautious to not be too wordy. 

I have a tendency to give long explanations that no one has time to read haha. I'll try making an update and let you know what it ends up looking like.

Diogo Matos · Answer

remember sample size :) having one no doesn't mean much, dependson the context

Ben Katz · Answer

Fair enough

I'm trying small sample sizes first to see what works in a very small group then expanding on the ones that seem to hit

Don't want to get my email blocked as spam by sending a low quality message to 1000s of people

Ben Katz · Answer

Ok I'm going to adjust course here. Got an immediate "no" for this one. 

Think this is overly salesy and need to see if people are even interested in solving this problem first by asking some questions. I'll start there, not include any sales links, and see if it helps.

Ben Katz · Answer

Sent my first email with:
```
Hi XXXXXX,

I'm a member of XXXXXXX and saw it has been getting some spam: <link>

I built an AI bot to deal with this kind of thing; I'm asking $59/mo.

I'd be happy to show you how it works. Pick any time that works for you: https://cal.com/ben-makes-stuff/15min

Thank you,

Benjamin Katz
Founder, https://watchdog.chat

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bakatz91
Cal: https://cal.com/ben-makes-stuff/15min
```

In this case, this is not an enterprise client so I was more comfortable listing an upfront price that makes sense for his community size

Romain Simon · Answer

People receive so much cold emails.
You might want to try a shorter and more indirect strategy:

Hi <NAME-OF-CONTACT>,

I’m following <COMMUNITY-NAME> on X and there's some incredible <TYPE-OF-CONTENT> in there.

However, I spotted crypto spam in your community that seems to have slid under your radar.

What's the best way to report it ?

Best,

Ben

Then when you get eventually an answer, you plug your thing as smoothly as possible.

Let me know if you try both version and which one works best !

Ben Katz · Answer

Got it, I tried this product before but the admin interface was slow to the point of being unusable so I gave up

I also don’t know if I want a bot replying to random posts with AI generated responses; it seems like that could come across as too spammy.

I’m more comfortable using Apollo because I’ve written the messages myself at least, and they’re authentic.

Ben Katz · Answer

I'm trying something very similar to this right now, but to make it more generic to be able to mass email, I went with this:

Basically just seeing if they have the problem first. If yes, I can finesse my way into sending them the link to it eventually in a future message. If no, we end the interaction early.

Anastasia Ova · Answer

Starting each paragraph with 'I' can appear focused on you rather than proposing value to X company. Simple swaps to other words or even 'We' for your company might look better:

Your <COMMUNITY-NAME> has been doing incredible <TYPE-OF-CONTENT> on X - congrats on growing the community to over <MEMBER-COUNT> members!

There was crypto spam in your community that seems to have slid under your radar: <DIRECT-LINK-TO-SPAM-POST>

We have an automated solution for this. Are you interested in seeing how it works?

Nathan Wailes · Answer

BTW IDK if you're already aware of this but there's kind of a ying product to your yang, it might be useful for sales or maybe even just duplicating the product since it seems the hard part is interfacing with the different platforms: https://replyguy.com/

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Salespeople: roast my B2B cold email copy

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