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Only In Portugal
Only In Portugal
#onlyinportugal
Collect Kafka-esque stories of Portugal's dysfunctioning
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register onlyinportugal.com as possible rename for 
#onlyinportugal after reading about "only in the Philippines" memes
get invited by Portuguese member of parliament @malliberal to talk about our issues in Portugal from portugalstory.co #onlyinportugal
explain Portuguese who has company and too much work and not enough people about 1) customer segmentation, like have normal and premium pricing for faster service, 2) retainer fees, 3) to hire non-Portuguese like Ukrainians because they can't find more people to work and the Portuguese they hire are too low skilled and stop work early so they can't scale up; but they ignore all my advice #onlyinportugal
get sauna guy to install the sauna heater we actually wanted but he forgot to order it first time, so he gave us a temporary one, but today he ordered and installed the wrong one because he messed up the name #onlyinportugal
try book practical driving class with the automatic car but the car is in a completely different place and they don't know when it will be back but they already sold me the driving classes 😂👌 #onlyinportugal
see Portugal passport stamps being the only stamps that literally never have any ink left on it, the poverty #onlyinportugal
try get Bolt cause I uninstalled Uber cause was so bad, and I have to get to Cascais and gf has Tesla, so I book a Bolt Executive with 🇵🇰 Mohammed who spends 20 minutes getting lost in my tiny beach town's small roads "trying to find a faster way to Cascais" (???) at which I tell him to 🛑 stop and exit the vehicle #onlyinportugal
check pH of jacuzzi and it's absolutely beyond healthy levels after asking the pool guys if it was normal the water smelled chemical as fuck and skin burning and my blue swim shorts turned gray #onlyinportugal
today the Portuguese electricity network operator E-Redes technician came to upgrade the Contador (the electricity counter) important when you upgrade your potencia and 3 phases (for more power like sauna etc)
We scheduled this weeks ago, they could only come today
They just SMS'd "the installation is not ready yet so we left again"
Now with our Portuguese electrician (great guy) who came by now and he laughing at the incompetence while we on the phone with E-Redes saying we don't have 3 phases while there's literally 3 cables here that he installed 😂😂😂😂
They say there's only 2 cables
Now E-Redes told us to call EDP (the electricity company) to schedule another appointment with the E-Redes technician, I explain the situation for 5 minutes to the guy, he says sure I will check can you hold, we wait 15 min, they hang up on me 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me
#onlyinportugal
wake up 7am because our own construction guy thought it was a good idea to start drilling the walls at 7am, which is illegal btw can't do until 8am although 10am would be polite for the neighbors #onlyinportugal
see EDP try upgrade me to a higher plan for €8.99/month without telling me, same as last time they upgraded me to full EDP health insurance and pet insurance 😂 luckily ChatGPT caught them this time #onlyinportugal
ask EDP electricity woman what email she sent the contract I need to sign and she answers "I cannot tell you due to privacy regulation" #onlyinportugal
call EDP Portuguese electricity company again to increase power to 27.6 kVa and they finally allow us because the network operator E-Redes processed the request after months, so now they said they will send me a contract by email to sign, but they never sent anything #onlyinportugal
