order flowers for gf from Portuguese flower shop and it's like the most passionless flowers I've ever seen #onlyinportugal

see Argentinean butcher delivery arrive in regular DPD postal delivery van, not DPD Fresh (frozen van), which is a health risk, and find out butcher paid for DPD Fresh but of course they scammed him #onlyinportugal

see construction workers break the air gap (2x plastic wall covers with zipper that blocks construction dust from going to rest of house) so we asked them to put a new one in without the hole, so instead they removed the old one then realized they didn't have a new one and now the entire house is full of dust (IQ 90) #onlyinportugal

see WiFi not work in Airbnb we booked in street to avoid construction noise and work in silence but it's okay cause we have Global eSIM #onlyinportugal

see 3rd electric blinds self-destruct because cleaner put the sunbed under them #onlyinportugal

get put in 40°C jetway in Paris to plane by TAP Portugal just like they did in Italy before, which is a trick to say we boarded already so they don't have to pay fine for late departure #onlyinportugal

see electric gate destroyed by the Portuguese truck driver who delivered bathroom tiles because he wanted to SIT (?) on our gate with his ass and now it's out of the frame and can't move because it hits the ground #onlyinportugal

see Portuguese electricians drill through our waterpipe and water starts spraying everywhere and floor gets wet and then we switch off main water tube and now we don't have water yeehaw #onlyinportugal

see bank invoice for old home owners for €0.24 with €0.01 tax which probably sending cost more #onlyinportugal

arrive in complete chaos at Lisbon Airport with baggage strown everywhere and one broken suitcase and 2 of our suitcases missing #onlyinportugal

try the new 8 passport gates at Lisbon Airport finally online, with a big sign for 🇪🇺 ALL ELECTRONIC EU PASSPORT and not a single one of them works for nobody except if you're Portuguese (of course!) #onlyinportugal

cancel Palladium Magazine after paying 2x $60 cause I never received any magazine because Portuguese customs won't let it through without paying massive duty and sending invoices (???) #onlyinportugal

have the Nth Portuguese contractor ask us to buy him lunch and I thought this was a joke thing but it's real if you hire people here you should take them out to lunch or pay their lunch (?????????) #onlyinportugal

install CTT iOS app and it literally doesn't work and everyone in the reviews confirms #onlyinportugal

see construction workers fuck up our camera for no reason #onlyinportugal

see over capacity Lisbon Airport with 3 hour queue for immigration #onlyinportugal

subscribe to Palladium Magazine because cool magazine and was nice article about Portugal's problems, then get email FedEx that the magazine is stuck in Portuguese customs and they won't let it through without a Purchase Order form, the fucking IRONY #onlyinportugal

wake up 8am seeing construction workers in a massive fight and come down to mediate and chill everyone down #onlyinportugal

go IKEA to return something, we get ticket C228, it says C228 counter 6 on the screen, a Portuguese woman moves in front of us to counter 6, I say "no I think it's our turn we're C228" she says "no it's definitely me" and repeatedly insists but she has the wrong number ticket. The Portuguese counter woman says "it's not your turn". Then chaos ensues in both of the Portuguese minds as the counter woman has to follow the rules to Kafkaesque rigor (a Salazarian trait) while the Portuguese customer expects to be helped, skipping the queue, while it's not her turn and I disengage and find another counter to return my IKEA stuff #onlyinportugal

report dangerously massive hole in road to municipality #onlyinportugal