Roast my landing page for my new sales tool

Activate your inner sales person.. you might know me a bit and I send you a pm on linkedin or else.. does this trigger your interest? Do you "buy"? Where do I fail to convince you?

Thank you so much!

  • The page has no personality. It seems like a random, poorly designed theme with an irrelevant stock photo. It doesn't inspire confidence as well. I'd be happy to provide more comments on why I think the theme is poorly designed if you're interested. (mostly typography)
  • There are many prospecting services. Your page doesn't tell me why yours is better or even how it's different
  • It lacks any credibility. You mention the "team" (you), which is a good start, but you don't provide "proof" of why we should trust you.
  • Language like "CASH IN" is a big turn off for me. Makes it sound like some sort of pyramid scheme.

I'm not your target market (I'm not interested in using a prospecting tool), so I'd recommend reaching out to people you think are potential customer. Ask them to be critical. Explain your product through conversational language. Take note of any questions/criticism they have. Come up with solid answers. Refine your explanation over time. Up until they are truly excited to give your product a try. Then convert this conversational explanation to a landing page.

Ouch, that hurts a bit ;) but it helps even more - thanks a lot Marc!

For these roasts I tend to focus on the negative as I feel that's the most helpful. Take it with a grain of salt though. I'm peculiar when it comes to sales-oriented products.

Do you know Clearbit? I think it's a great example of a sales-oriented product suite with great marketing and landing pages.

Nope, didn't find Clearbit yet, thank you! I know Salesforce, found Salesmachine and basically think these people might be happy for my help :)

I don't know if you waste your time explaining details about the theme, because (as you quickly figured out) I just picked the first one that looked decent for the use case. But sure - yes I'm interested!

"proof" - like customer reviews, recommendations?

Yes "CASH IN" - you're not the first to criticize this.. I'm trying to adopt sales language.. probably too much

reach out to Sales people - is out and waiting, I hope to receive feedback tomorrow.

"proof" - like customer reviews, recommendations?

Credentials (e.g. relevant work experience), social proof (customer reviews), etc.

This x 100; it build trust, especially if they know the company or have heard of it.

Ya; Clearbit is great, but it's targeting salesops or sales leaders to get implemented; looks like Jonas is targeting IC sales folk; so, something like mixmax might be a closer hit marketing wise (though, they do both - maybe

My first 30 second thoughts:
- wow, you can find them out of thin air? Who are you, Hans Klok the magician?
- Use the machine to find prospects? I want to read you either work your ass off for me or have an automated solution with the stats to prove one of them will get me x prospects in a month
- No pricing? I would not going in when I don't get an indication of what it would cost to get the gains from your services... That feels like obligating myself to a blank contract. No way, Jose.
- Ow, and the visuals? I love the guy in the mountains and all the freedom it expresses, but then I get trapped into city life again?.


Think of how you want the reader to feel, check how you can show them what they'll be in for (what gains are there) and how much it might cost them ( or how they payment structure is setup).
And tell them straight out what value you provide and how that works.

All the best with your services! ✌🏻

Thank you Edwin, very helpful. Great that you like the guy on the mountain :) Pricing and specifics missing - I read you, am working hard to figure this out right now ;)

"generate qualified leads out of thin air" seems like straight BS. You should explain how in a sentence: "qualified leads by X".

Reading further, seems like you're targeting IC sales folk, promising qualified leads from AI. Def show them how; screenshots, results, workflow. Also, def show them some quotes from customers -- 'I get X leads every day, it saves me Y minutes. At $Z, it's a no-brainer and helps me hit my quota' - XYZ, Sales @ Some Co.

Checkout other sales tooling targeted or used by ICs; a) pricing is important as they're putting in their own card a lot just to get ahead. show what yours is front and center b) this design is totally not-normal for these kinda tools.

"You?" - in the team section delete. a) no one cares b) it doesn't build trust imho.

your survey "How would you rate the following?" - "Curiosity - Always try new things" - is this meant to be "I always try new things?". It's ambiguous / has errors to a native English reader. I stopped a few questions after, it seems too "help me choose my product" than "help me build this product" / qualifying the submitter.

Hi Russell, thanks a lot for the helpful review!
I wasn't around for a while and didn't see it.
The details (like customer reviews) were / are mising because the landing page "sold" a product that was not even started..

By now I have partially abandoned the idea / pivoted.

Still I DO learn from your thoughts.. thank you!