Would you respond to this cold email? Need your help to validate this draft @HEYFROMAPP outreach

Hello everyone,

How is your day today? I am new to this space and doing this for the first time. Correct me, if I am using this platform against the accepted norms.

I am reaching out to you to get your feedback on my cold email draft. I would love to get your feedback to make it better before I use it. All of your help is appreciated.



Draft Version 1:

Hi, {{firstname}}

Nice to e-meet you; my name is Jo. I am the founder of platform. I noticed you are using {{AppSumo or Stack Social}} for distribution and to find your product superfans. 

I want to introduce this new sales channel that you can exploit right now. This tool will get you a better conversion rate and easy attribution to your marketing effort. 

Do you realize that we use Twitter and Slack only for distribution and engagement, but not at all for what matters - THE SALE. Well, We Are Changing That With Our Platform - HEYFROMAPP. 

Our team has put together this app, which allows your users to buy your products using a single text message - either in Twitter or Slack. You can combine discovery and sales in the social channel outreach. 

For users, All it takes is one quick setup. After that, it's easy to BUY from any of our platform vendors. It's a frictionless buying experience for users. And, for you, one more compelling sales channel for your products and services.

We call this "OneIMBuy."

I would love to invite you to join our platform and help you add one more convenient sales channel into your mix. 

Why should You join?

- It's a unique experience for your target audience.
- It offers convenience to do business with you.
- It offers you an alternative to Inbound marketing and sales.
 - It offers a better conversion rate and visibility.
- We value relationships. Since our background in product development, We understand your needs better than any established players. And we are transparent in our work with partners.

Your business is the perfect match for our platform. And we are ready to help you onboard in no time.

If you want to find more about how it works, check the link below.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.



Hey Jo, I already responded to this but apparently it did not get posted.

I like it overall. I think, the one things that I would do is make it a bit shorter and I would try to come to the USP / your solution as soon as possible. But please note I am not an experienced marketing expert.

I would be more than happy to go into more detail and potentially help with the wording if you like. One suggestion: You could create a public google docs with the draft and enable track changes. That way others, more experienced people and maybe native english speakers could chime in.

Cheers, Pat