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Hey Jo, I already responded to this but apparently it did not get posted.

I like it overall. I think, the one things that I would do is make it a bit shorter and I would try to come to the USP / your solution as soon as possible. But please note I am not an experienced marketing expert.

I would be more than happy to go into more detail and potentially help with the wording if you like. One suggestion: You could create a public google docs with the draft and enable track changes. That way others, more experienced people and maybe native english speakers could chime in.

Cheers, Pat

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